March 8, 2021
At work yesterday, my coworker Jon came up to me to share a detail from his morning.
“Man, I pooped and then I took it out of the toilet and bit it, it tasted so bad,” said Jon, frowning at his papers then shuffling off to continue the pack-out process of our foods at Open Arms of Minnesota, the Meals on Wheels-y non-profit I find myself working and fielding such comments.
“Thank you for connecting with me on that,” I whisper.
I have been boning up on Pyrrhonian skepticism, based on a disaffected Greek man who drooled through life in the 4th century B.C.E., not writing much but still being babbled about on podcasts two and a half millennia later. A hero, I mean.
Pyrrho is dogmatic about not being dogmatic: all things are indeterminate, and all of our beliefs are neither true nor false. This kind of nauseously circuitous and baseless thinking helps me a lot, like when people at work ask me what my plans are for moving to Chicago, if I have any plans, what the plans after the plans are, and that other people are saying that I have no plans. I quote Pyrrho directly.
“For this reason, then, we should not trust them, but should be without opinions and without inclinations and without wavering, saying about each single thing that it no more is than is not, or both is and is not, or neither is nor is not.”
“So you’re going to be a famous comedian?”
“For this reason, then, we should not trust them, but… my dead dad podcast is really going to take off.”
I revel in indeterminacy, and I revel in those who revel in indeterminacy, and I both do and do not, and neither do or do not, want to be a reveler in indeterminacy. Am I moving to Chicago? Yes and yes not. Do I have a plan. Certainly yes not. It is this kind of wateriness within which I succeed, pulling from it the turd of life which I neither bite nor do not bite into as I vault myself into selling my dead dad’s house, trying to sell my dead dad podcast, and leaving everything for something. Or nothing. Or some nothing.
I hope people talk about this post in the year 4500.