March 7, 2021
I tried today. I went on a jog, flailed earnestly to a YouTube ULTIMATE AB SHREDDING workout, recorded an angry podcast, and still I felt like a shell of a man, living alone with his tiny white dog like a vein widower with a total of one visual abdominal muscles.
I spent a lot of money in a desperate attempt to feel like a person, a sentient being with goals, ambitions, and things synonymous with goals and ambitions.
Purchasables Not Sufficient to Make a Human Being
· Brita filters (4)
· Furnace filter
· Rawhide bones (9)
· Roasted red pepper humus (unrelated)
· Garlic (monstrous)
· Organic chicken thighs (boneless)
· Bananas (green flirting unto yellow)
· Skim Milk (gallon(!))
I cannot make a meal or a home with what I have bought, unless I can somehow transmutate a dinner of skim-simmering clucking banana garlic chickpea paste grated through the furnace filter, Britaed into perfection, and served with fossilized pig ribs for dipping. And even then, who would deem such a debaucherous chef’s hovel to be a home?